I was thinking of starting a new series called Neighborhood Hero of the Week (NHOTW). The plan is to devote a post every week for a full… well, week probably, to one of my dear neighbors who goes above and beyond what’s required of him/her to become ex-communicated from the pack. As self-appointed neighborhood liaison (I haven’t informed the other neighbors yet), I feel it is my duty to exploit their failures for my own personal gain… or something along those lines.
This week’s Neighborhood Hero goes out to my kitty-corner neighbor Jim. His name might not be Jim, but he looks like he could probably be a Jim. Or maybe a Gary… On second thought, definitely a Jim. I haven’t officially met Jim yet, but I have studied him from my third floor bedroom window in a totally law abiding, non-pervy fashion.
Jim is a selfless family man, a great pumpkin carver, a huge fan of driveway concerts (read: blaster of really shitty yet catchy music from his truck’s inadequate, rattling speakers), and even played a hand in establishing the community’s first ongoing sawmill project in his very own garage. I know, keeper! Now normally, I’m a huge fan of sawmills; the smell of fresh lumber, the abundance of sawdust, the possibility of being witness to a missing finger Easter-egg-style hunt! What’s not to love!? But this one is different, mainly because the festivities don’t kick off until sometime after sunset, right when I’m settling in for a little Californication rerun action, and it doesn’t smell good, nor are there missing fingers, ever. So really, it’s just loud. Really, really, loud. And for that, Jim receives this week’s Neighborhood Hero Award. Congratulations Jim, keep up the good work!
Next week's contenders: Neighbors across the street who leave passive aggressive notes about our parking on our windshields? Or maybe side neighbors who get drunk, argue, howl with their dogs, and paint abhorrently large chunks of their roof right outside our living room windows white? Decisions, decisions...
